Credit where it’s due

The Secretary of State for pies, cakes and puddings today denied that he was struggling to get his xmas menu out on time.  Sir Ivor Battenburg was today giving evidence to the Michel Pierre-White, with a red wine and black pudding reduction, Select Committee.  In what, at times, were heated exchanges he refuted suggestions that he was £3.65 over budget.  He said that the allegations were completely unfounded as he had managed to obtain his sausage meat from Fingers Freddie the butcher, by means of a bogof.  He went on, I had every faith that Fingers would come through on this one.  We have been involved in intensive negotiations for the past fortnight and I am confident that with a little more time we can secure a deal on the Paxo too, which will bring us in well below budget.

He also took the opportunity to lash out at his critics who, he said, not only have nothing positive to contribute but who must take the blame for previous years’ fiascos, when Uncle Dennis got drunk and threw up over Granny, Granny aimed a tirade of abuse at the xmas carollers, causing one 22 year old Vera Crenshaw to have a complete nervous breakdown while the cheap, gaudy light display by the flash moron next door caused a power outage within a three mile radius.  I not only have a deep unswerving belief that I am right, he said, but that my menu will bring light where there is dark, calm where there is chaos, little where there is large, Flanagan where there is allen….enough of this nonsense – Ed.

I’ve just spluttered coffee all over the desk!

Thank you for brightening up my day.

Thank you so much, I too have spluttered coffee.