Hi folks,

How about some humour to lighten up this dreary Monday afternoon?

Looking at the news item regarding ATOS origin, I see that they are proposing 'purpose-built' examination centres for people claiming AA/DLA.

Initially, I found it quite baffling - what can be in a room for examining DLA/AA claimants that's not in the usual examination room? And then I hit upon it! In addition to the usual stuff: couch, sphygmomenometer, stethoscope, etc.; we might find the following:

A WADDELL'S SIGNS DETECTOR,

A TREADMILL WITH A MINIMUM DISTANCE OF 50 METRES BEFORE STOPPING

SOUNDPROOFING!


Any more.....................??????

Hillarious!!

a conventional cooker complete with ingredients to prepare and cook a simple meal for one?

Just make sure you don't ask to use the toilet half way through the examination.

shopping trolley, commode, hidden camera, fraud officer ready to pounce in IUC mode, sodium pentothal, Jeremy Beadle

....at least 100m from the nearest road/car park, recorded by CCTV of course

Your forgetting the most important thing of all - a couple of random, untrained punters, grabbed off the street to decide the claim.

Our clients use Middlesbrough medical centre at present and thats one of those to be closed. We used Travel Direct to assess what travel arrangements would apply to a client living in a village further down the coast who will have to travel to the new "Purpose built examination centre" in Thornaby. One hour 31 minutes.

Big guffaw. It starts off by instructing "Walk to Carlin How- 12 minutes". It happens to be about 1-11/2 miles but its all uphill-about 1 in 4. I could'nt do it in 12 minutes never mind someone with a heart condition or musculoskeletal problem. It would probably kill them off.

So add to the list- oxygen, paramedics, adrenaline and de-fribrillators for those poor sods breaking a gut to get there.

"It would probably kill them off."

Kill or cure, eh? Could well be the intention.

Well a one off funeral payment is cheaper than weekly on going payments. Oh such cynism. Though it does remind me of a conversation with Frank Field in 1997 just after the election win (oh what a false dawn that was, things could only get better HA!)we were in a rural area so people had too swap between several buses to get to his surgeries after benefits had been stopped so they couldn't be that disabled. When we explained the option was £20 taxi fares and they then go home and suffer for days with the after effect, we then politely pointed out we win most of these appeals , he then had the cheek to tell us we were obviuosly doing too good a job.Ho those politicians hey ho.

What about a special computer that feeds on carefully drafted EMP reports and and spews out unreadable scribble...

a football pitch
a bath
a slotted spoon

back to work people, when all this comes true you won't be laughing!!!

You might have a point...could this thread be hijacked as a new Department Think Tank????

If thats possible add to the list free Budweiser,60 inch plasma screen with free access to all sky sports channels and unlimited credit at Ladbrookes.

and a lobotomy?