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Another yuletide story for all the good folk of rightsnet land.
The Story of the Three Little Pigs
There was an old sow with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to find flats of theirown. The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and said to him, "Please, man, give me that straw to build me a house." Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it. He then went down to the local one stop shop and made a claim for HB.
When he returned home along came along a wolf (sorry, I mean a kindly gentleman from the HB department), and knocked at the door, and said, "little pig, little pig, let me come in."
To which the pig answered, "no, no, by the hair of my chiny chin chin. Now sod off"
The wolf then answered to that, "but I need to ascertain whether you actually live here and whether you have any non-dependents”. What the hell do you mean by non-dependants. There are only 2 brothers and we all went our separate ways yonks ago”.
“If you don’t let me in you’re not going to get any benefit”.
“We’ll see about that, I’ll go to the ombudsman. In R v Absolute swine DC (ex parte old woman who lived in a shoe) 1756, it was determined that a mammal has no automatic right of entry to another’s dwelling”.
“Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in." So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig. And so his HB claim was cancelled as neither claimant nor dwelling existed anymore.
The second little pig met a man with a bundle of sticks, and said, "Please, man, give me those sticks to build a house." Which the man did, and the pig built his house. He also claimed HB
Then along came the wolf, and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in.
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"No, no, by the hair of my chiny chin chin."
You can guess the rest.
The third little pig met a man with a load of bricks, and said, "Please, man, give me those bricks to build a house with." So the man gave him the bricks, and he built his house with them.
So the wolf came, as he did to the other little pigs, and said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in."
"No, no, by the hair of my chiny chin chin." Now sod off or I’ll call the filth.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in."
Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down. Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he could go whistle for his HB and that he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him (the wolf was so angry by this time that he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was exceeding his statutory powers).
When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper.
He did not live happily ever afterwards. When the council realised that one of their officers was missing they checked his appointment schedule. The last surviving little pig was arrested by officers of the elite ridiculous crimes and misdemeanours squad in a dawn raid and subsequently sentenced to 30 years in a cartoon.
Merry Xmas one everyone.
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