Not much joy, I fear. The Maternity and Funeral Expenses Regs - reg 3(1A) - expand 'member of the same household', which is a necessary quality for being treated as a partner, to include married people who are in care together; and married or unmarried people who were partners immediately before one of them was admitted to permanent care. There's no provision for treatment as a partner in your scenario, though it's not really that rare.
The worst of it is that a spouse who doesn't count as a partner isn't an 'immediate family member' either, nor even a 'close relative', by definition! That leaves just 'close friend'. The son is an immediate family member and thus outranks your lady in the pecking order. I don't suppose you can say it wasn't reasonable for the son to take it on? He'd have had to have little contact (or perhaps a poor relationship) with the deceased - reg 7(5).
Jim
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